Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Randomize
