Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
