I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
40s are totally the cure
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
