She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
