Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
