After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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