Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
