I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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