Kiss
Puke
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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