Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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