I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you inspire me to be a worse person
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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