I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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