Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
