they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
