So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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