too bad you live with your parents still
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
