You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
