please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
