Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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