Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
