My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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