hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
