mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
