note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
