my phone needs a breathalizer
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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