i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
