garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Duck Duck Cougar?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
