fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
