Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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