I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
