Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
