i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
