Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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