if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
