Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
