i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
