Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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