I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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