This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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