Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As shirtless as possible
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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