Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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