it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
