im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
