the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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