I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
