I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
