So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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