I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
