I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
