he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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