someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
