He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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