Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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