I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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