I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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