none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
