I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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