i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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