I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
