Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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