i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
