I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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