at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
